Love is a father watching over a sleeping child; his reassuring voice; the firm clasp of his outstretched hand. The fact that love isn’t self-love, or even (as Madame de Staël once put it) self-love times two, brings us to politics. It can’t be commanded, and for that reason it rarely survives imperiousness. Some philosophers and political writers (Henri Bergson and Jacques Maritain, for instance) have said that love, which honours dignity, neighbourliness and mutual respect, is the ‘motive power’ of democracy. So why bother with love if it can damage our sense of self and break apart our hearts?
Later, love is his golden advice and heart-felt offers of material help. It is her gently beating heart; her warm body; her consoling embrace, her willingness to drop everything, and to go the extra mile. Love is bodily: when we’re in love, we kiss the ground our lover’s feet kiss. Beginning with a chance encounter, love is passionate interaction with another. Love is a close-to-the-body way of deciding with another, fairly and equally, who gets when, when and how. There’s a very short and snappy answer: to lose in love is the next best thing to succeeding, and success in love, which requires lovers to become political, and to act democratically, is bliss on earth.
Yes, your ears heard correctly: not a poetical or pontifical but a matter. Love can’t survive violence, or bossing and bullying.
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Modern science, however, gives us far more than just one potential partner.
For example, according to the math of It’s Okay to Be Smart, New Yorkers awash in a sea of eight million other city dwellers have at least 850 love connections — those are some numbers you can work with.